Self Love

Beautiful

“Beautiful”

[Spoken] Don’t look at me

Every day is so wonderful Then suddenly it’s hard to breathe. Now and then I get insecure From all the pain, I’m so ashamed. I am beautiful no matter what they say. Words can’t bring me down. I am beautiful in every single way. Yes, words can’t bring me down… Oh no. So don’t you bring me down today.

As sung By Christina Aguilera

If you….like me…have undervalued yourself for far too long and have allowed other people’s opinions of you to mean more than your own opinion of yourself. THAT is a hard truth you must come to grips with. You must recognize that you are truly the only real constant in your life. Everyone else can come and will come and go. Whether they are dear friends, beloved family members or your chosen mate, they can be gone from your life between one breath and the next. We are the blood we cannot walk away from. We should be our own support systems. We ourselves are the friends we must not ignore.  And yet we are our own worst critics when we should become our own best cheer leaders. Not just in word but in deed.

A while back I saw a trailer for a movie called “The Incredible Mr. Ripley” with my best friend. It was about a young man that completely made himself over in order to assume a lifestyle to which he has grown accustomed. As we watched it we became fascinate with the idea of making ourselves over. Not in order to usurp someone else’s life but to improve upon our own. After the movie, over dinner we designed our new lives. Our “look”, or lifestyle, how we would walk, talk, shop, dress, everything about ourselves. We were going to work on that. Set time tables, toasted our future selves but like many other plans we’d made, life got in the way.

 I submit to you that we were not going to impersonate anyone else. Many of us HAVE been impersonating someone else all this time. WE have been impersonating the women our parents groomed us to be, circumstances bullied us into being, or that life coerced us into being. Ding! They won round one. Round two belongs to us!

Our commitments must be to ourselves. We must be answerable to our own highest purposes, our own deepest desires and our own best interests. Only THE MOST HIGH’s purposes, desires and interests should supersede them. If fear is holding you back then recall that much quoted poem:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

Wear these words as a breast plate and shield and prepare to do battle with your own demons, in spite of the obstacles whether real or imagined. I understand those obstacles in you because I recognize them in me. But I am making a concerted effort to see “Nia” as my client, my first priority from a coaching standpoint. I say to myself…would you accept this kind of “run for cover” from a client? Wouldn’t you expect and therefore push a client to be her best, brightest, highest version of herself? Well the answer to that is yes. So I force myself to look in the mirror. And I force myself to see the reflection looking back at me. I can’t always do it for long but I do it. The demons of uncertainty and doubt blink back at me. Confused because they no longer have the power over me they once did. I’m making peace with the “me” that I am in order to embrace the “me” I am choosing to become.

And everywhere we go (and everywhere we go)

The sun will always shine (the sun will always, always shine)

And tomorrow we might wake on the other side

We are beautiful no matter what they say

Yes, words won’t bring us down, no, no

We are beautiful in every single way

Yes, words can’t bring us down, oh, no

So don’t you bring me down today

Oh, yeah, don’t you bring me down today, yeah, ooh

Don’t you bring me down ooh… today

 

http://www.be-well-lioness.com

http://www.mydoterra.com/bwl

 

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Lioness Lessons Series, Self Love, What it is and What it Aint

If The Shoes Don’t Fit…You Still Have To Wear Something

Imagine, if you will, having only 1 pair of shoes that fit you perfectly.  Oh, you have others. Various colors, textures and styles but those don’t really fit quite right. Other folk have admired some of the other shoes but they’re not really your taste. You could wear them but they pinched a little because they’re too tight or chafed your heels because they’re too big.  That one special pair took you years to find as you tried on 100s of other pairs.  Some came close. Others were just something you settled for because you had to wear something on your feet.  And then finally, one day, the heavens opened up and you saw them. They were so you! Not just the outer you but the inner you as well. Those shoes reflected the shoe diva you were and still are on the inside. They became your trademark. People who described you to strangers started with your shoes for goodness sake.

Now imagine something goes horribly wrong and you must give up that one favored pair. Imagine the sadness and the disappointment as you contemplate having to remove them from your feet knowing you will never wear them again. The heavy sigh as you realize your whole wardrobe is built around those shoes.  In your mind’s eye you try to picture yourself wearing some other pair of shoes and all you feel about it is grief and loss.

I’ve never been that attached to a pair of shoes or any material thing actually. I lost my home when my marriage ended more than 20 years ago and it hurt but it was a wooden box and some windows and doors in the final analysis. I got over it. He…the ex…managed to wreck a half dozen cars as well before it was over but once again…just metal boxes on wheels. They could be replaced if I wanted or not. Whatever. There’s always the subway.

But something did go horribly wrong. I developed an auto-immune condition that attacked my hair. My beautiful, treasured hair, my locs that I have loved and been growing for almost 14 years. And while there are some treatments and cover ups and cosmetic things that I can do I have been in denial for many years about what was going on under all this hair and I can no longer pretend to myself that it’s not happening. So I am cutting my hair.

14 years is a long time to have an image of yourself and then to have to cut away. Especially when that image is not one you wish to give up. No. My hair isn’t all I am but it’s been a big part of who I am for a very long time. Through my weight and health issues and when I was so broke I couldn’t afford nice clothes.  When I was feeling insecure or nervous, my hair was my armor. When I was feeling joyous and victorious it was my crown.  When I was feeling flirty I winked from behind it. When I wanted to isolate myself it was my wall.

And soon it will be gone. I suppose as a Health Coach I should wax poetic about the beauty of new beginnings or write about how I found some positive in this situation. But I didn’t find one and I prefer not to lie to you or delude myself. I have other body parts like I have lots of shoes. That won’t make me any more comfortable in the ones that never fit in the first place. I’ll just have to learn to deal with the ones that don’t quite fit me.

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Sometimes My Motivation is Purely Primal

Generally I practice what I preach. Clean eating and good fitness as a means to attaining health & wellness.  None of that shallow talk of wanting to look good. I tell everyone I just want to feel good. Be fit and healthy. Because I am deep. Way too deep to be concerned solely with my appearance but  I haven’t been getting it in as hard as I should have been. I let my SWAG (Specific Wellness Activity Goals) slip as I devoted more time to building my businesses and coaching my clients, a thing I would never condone my clients doing. Oh I still eat right…for the most part… and I still get it in at least 30 minutes of cardio per day and throw in some weights but let’s face it my SWAG had been replaced by smmag (Social Media Marketing Advertisements and Gmail).

I fell into a trap I warn others about. As I crossed each item off my list I failed to replace it with another goal.

I ran/walked two half marathons at this weight. It was painful. More so than if I had been in better shape but the goal to complete one was done…twice.

My blood glucose has improved tremendously & I no longer need meds.

I still haven’t found a dress for my daughter’s wedding that moves me to get it in so I can get in it so the only thing left to motivate me to work my abs off is pain. And it’s got to be the abs ‘cuz I will never willingly work my ummm…well I’m keeping that!

Straight up pure & unadulterated pain. Not physical pain but emotional pain. In this case fear. The fear of being naked in front of anybody. Not that I plan on doing so ever but I want to have a body I am not ashamed to display should that situation ever arise. 

And it did or rather the potential for it did. Not in any real way mind you because this gent is completely off limits in every way but the thought of him seeing me in this shape was fear inspiring enough to get my ass in gear. 

While I realize he is a “new outfit” I will never wear…it’s the thought of the possibility of that “new outfit” that will get the job done. So I’ll close my eyes and let the fantasy keep me motivated for as long as I need it to.

The question then becomes how long can I keep that “new outfit” from trying to “wear” me?

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